My new treat..

My new treat..http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/There are no mistakes in life, only lessons..en-UKhourly82000-01-01T12:00+00:00My new treat..http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/http://data5.blog.de/design/preview/16/a3f78819bbf3ed6709b74f991b7f39_160x200.jpgMotherless daughtershttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2006/08/04/motherless_daughters~1014286/2006-08-04T18:42:20+02:00 <p>I'm reading this book by Hope Edelman.. it is helping in some way.. if helping means helping my tears to melt down..<br> yesterday my boyfriend's mum asked me :"how is the book you're reading? any interesting?"<br> now:<br> 1): how do you know what i'm fucking reading?<br> 2):why are you asking me this, when you're 53 and you're still have a mother??</p> <p>I found her question so RUDE..or am I overreacting? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2006/08/04/motherless_daughters~1014286/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I'm reading this book by Hope Edelman.. it is helping in some way.. if helping means helping my tears to melt down..
yesterday my boyfriend's mum asked me :"how is the book you're reading? any interesting?"
now:
1): how do you know what i'm fucking reading?
2):why are you asking me this, when you're 53 and you're still have a mother??

I found her question so RUDE..or am I overreacting?

]]>I hate a colleague of minehttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2006/08/03/i_hate_a_colleague_of_mine~1010846/2006-08-03T15:45:52+02:00 <p>By the way.. what do you do whe you truly can't stand a colleague anymore?<br> She is just the typical person who wants to be a victim and the supervisors as usual don't recognize it and think: oh, poor one, she's always the one doing extra hours! But don't you understand she stays longer because she is just so SLOW!!?<br> And she is always so rude sometimes! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2006/08/03/i_hate_a_colleague_of_mine~1010846/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>By the way.. what do you do whe you truly can't stand a colleague anymore?
She is just the typical person who wants to be a victim and the supervisors as usual don't recognize it and think: oh, poor one, she's always the one doing extra hours! But don't you understand she stays longer because she is just so SLOW!!?
And she is always so rude sometimes!

]]>10 monthshttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2006/08/03/10_months~1010836/2006-08-03T15:42:11+02:00 <p>It has been 10 months today..<br> 10 months that you left me..<br> God knows where you are now..<br> I hope, if you still exist in some form, that you are happy where you are now and no longer suffering<br> I would like to talk to you, i need you advice, your comments, i used to love talking to you about life, love, cooking and money..<br> I miss you always.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2006/08/03/10_months~1010836/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>It has been 10 months today..
10 months that you left me..
God knows where you are now..
I hope, if you still exist in some form, that you are happy where you are now and no longer suffering
I would like to talk to you, i need you advice, your comments, i used to love talking to you about life, love, cooking and money..
I miss you always..

]]>weird feelinghttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2006/01/21/weird_feeling~492455/2006-01-21T15:44:49+01:00 <p>weird feeling today<br> as a rebirth<br> as a will to live life to its fullest<br> as a will to be in love again<br> as a will to be in the sun with a new lover<br> just a will<br> nothing more<br> just a will<strong></strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2006/01/21/weird_feeling~492455/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>weird feeling today
as a rebirth
as a will to live life to its fullest
as a will to be in love again
as a will to be in the sun with a new lover
just a will
nothing more
just a will

]]>2005 reviewhttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/31/2005_review~429731/2005-12-31T16:45:26+01:00 <p><strong>I need to start from Nov 2004.</p> <p>November 04:</p> <p>-The most horrible month of my life. 2/11/04 I took a flight with my staff travel and went back home, thinking I was going to come back after few days. I brought with me only one trouser and a couple of jumpers.<br> I didn't know that month would have changed my life forever. The result of my mum tests was: non small lung cancer of V stadium, mum had 7-8 month to live.<br> I didn't go back to the UK.</p> <p>December 04:</p> <p>The most heart-breaking and sweet Xmas season of my life. Our comedy begins. My sister and me make all that is possible to avoid my mum knowing the truth.<br> We give her strenght and smiles, always. Trying to make what rest of her life just perfect.</p> <p>January 05 :</p> <p>- Mum's chemo goes on. Spend the month with her and my sister going to day-hospital for it.<br> -I make my very first injection ever to mum.<br> -Get lots of money of voluntary redundancy from my previous employer. Decide to sell my english car and buy an european one (left hand drive).<br> -I go back to the UK first time after the 2nd Novembe 2004, day when I left, not knowing it was due to be permanently</p> <p>February 05:</p> <p>-Start my very first job in Italy. Oh, my God how different it is from the UK, i don't like it at all<br> -Buy an Italian car</p> <p>March 05:</p> <p>-Mum starts suffering from high blood pression. I call medical emergency several times<br> -one of the worst weekend ever: both mum and dad in bed (he's got a flu) and my sister and me as full time waitresses-nurses<br> - Weekend in Perugia with my boyfriend just before Easter</p> <p>April 05:</p> <p>- Leave my job as Customer Services as working hours didn't allow me to go for the chemo with my mum. Start working for a local paper, where flexitimes was possible.<br> -Start seeing a councellor, Monica, she really helped me.<br> -Go back to the UK for a couple of days to visit my boyfriend</p> <p>May 05:<br> -Mum's last chemo<br> -My french friend come and see me for the weekend. While we were visiting Rome , my mum had her first epilepsy attack. From that day the doctors told us never to leave her at home on her own.</p> <p>June 05:</p> <p>-My boyfriend move back here in italy.<br> -Stop seeing Monica<br> -Mum starts Mannitol endovenous injections at home</p> <p>July 05:</p> <p>- We go in Nettuno to the summer flat we rented for my mum, so she didn't have to climb up the stairs for a month.<br> - She starts radiotherapy.<br> - Renal failure and she spent almost the whole month in rome at the hospital. My sister, my auntie and me stay with her the night in turn<br> -end of the month, she cames back home but can't walk. She's permanetly in bed. We start cleaning and washing her.</p> <p>August 05:</p> <p>-It's a surprise. She can't move but her brain does work very well. She talks a lot and very well (before she was forgetting words). Apparenlty radiotherapy did work.<br> -I start working only part time in the afternoon</p> <p>September 05:</p> <p>-Mum doesn't understand anymore and doesn't talk. She didn't realised it was her birthday either</p> <p>October 05:</p> <p>-Goodbye mum. I loved you and I always will</p> <p>November 05:</p> <p>-02/11/05 : one year after my return in italy, i go for an interview with the most important company based here. The one my mum always dreamed i was employed by. My phone rang while I was at the cemetery. is this a sign?</p> <p>- My sister moved to her boyfriend because she's too scared to be here on her own. I stay but I've asked my boyfriend to sleep with me.<br> So now it is, My dad (I hate him), my boyfriend and me.</p> <p>December 05:</p> <p>-Start working for that company. Job seems to be ok. Not as important as the one I had in the UK, but ok, considering the job situation in this almost third world country.</p> <p></strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/31/2005_review~429731/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I need to start from Nov 2004.

November 04:

-The most horrible month of my life. 2/11/04 I took a flight with my staff travel and went back home, thinking I was going to come back after few days. I brought with me only one trouser and a couple of jumpers.
I didn't know that month would have changed my life forever. The result of my mum tests was: non small lung cancer of V stadium, mum had 7-8 month to live.
I didn't go back to the UK.

December 04:

The most heart-breaking and sweet Xmas season of my life. Our comedy begins. My sister and me make all that is possible to avoid my mum knowing the truth.
We give her strenght and smiles, always. Trying to make what rest of her life just perfect.

January 05 :

- Mum's chemo goes on. Spend the month with her and my sister going to day-hospital for it.
-I make my very first injection ever to mum.
-Get lots of money of voluntary redundancy from my previous employer. Decide to sell my english car and buy an european one (left hand drive).
-I go back to the UK first time after the 2nd Novembe 2004, day when I left, not knowing it was due to be permanently

February 05:

-Start my very first job in Italy. Oh, my God how different it is from the UK, i don't like it at all
-Buy an Italian car

March 05:

-Mum starts suffering from high blood pression. I call medical emergency several times
-one of the worst weekend ever: both mum and dad in bed (he's got a flu) and my sister and me as full time waitresses-nurses
- Weekend in Perugia with my boyfriend just before Easter

April 05:

- Leave my job as Customer Services as working hours didn't allow me to go for the chemo with my mum. Start working for a local paper, where flexitimes was possible.
-Start seeing a councellor, Monica, she really helped me.
-Go back to the UK for a couple of days to visit my boyfriend

May 05:
-Mum's last chemo
-My french friend come and see me for the weekend. While we were visiting Rome , my mum had her first epilepsy attack. From that day the doctors told us never to leave her at home on her own.

June 05:

-My boyfriend move back here in italy.
-Stop seeing Monica
-Mum starts Mannitol endovenous injections at home

July 05:

- We go in Nettuno to the summer flat we rented for my mum, so she didn't have to climb up the stairs for a month.
- She starts radiotherapy.
- Renal failure and she spent almost the whole month in rome at the hospital. My sister, my auntie and me stay with her the night in turn
-end of the month, she cames back home but can't walk. She's permanetly in bed. We start cleaning and washing her.

August 05:

-It's a surprise. She can't move but her brain does work very well. She talks a lot and very well (before she was forgetting words). Apparenlty radiotherapy did work.
-I start working only part time in the afternoon

September 05:

-Mum doesn't understand anymore and doesn't talk. She didn't realised it was her birthday either

October 05:

-Goodbye mum. I loved you and I always will

November 05:

-02/11/05 : one year after my return in italy, i go for an interview with the most important company based here. The one my mum always dreamed i was employed by. My phone rang while I was at the cemetery. is this a sign?

- My sister moved to her boyfriend because she's too scared to be here on her own. I stay but I've asked my boyfriend to sleep with me.
So now it is, My dad (I hate him), my boyfriend and me.

December 05:

-Start working for that company. Job seems to be ok. Not as important as the one I had in the UK, but ok, considering the job situation in this almost third world country.

]]>Destinyhttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/30/destiny~428041/2005-12-30T21:55:16+01:00 <p>there have been some epiphany moments in my life.. looking back to them I can clearly recognize them now<br> like last year at the hospital.. the IFO in Rome.. we were still doing all the tests for my mum, and didn't know the horrible response yet<br> We met one lady, with her father.. she looked at me and mum and said that she had lost her own mum of cancer two years ago.. she suffered terribly, also because she was pregnant (which at that time I thought was a wonderful thing, but I've changed my mind, I couldn't care for another human being right now). And then she said "Now there is my father.. and i have to care for him and come here to the hospital for his tests, and it's all right like that." But she was so deeply sorry, and you could tell that at the beginning she didn't want to care of her dad, and i'm sure must have preferred see her father dead, rather her mum..<br> <strong>Luckily mum couldn't hear properly.. and so she didn't listen to her destiny<br> I love you mum, always</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/30/destiny~428041/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>there have been some epiphany moments in my life.. looking back to them I can clearly recognize them now
like last year at the hospital.. the IFO in Rome.. we were still doing all the tests for my mum, and didn't know the horrible response yet
We met one lady, with her father.. she looked at me and mum and said that she had lost her own mum of cancer two years ago.. she suffered terribly, also because she was pregnant (which at that time I thought was a wonderful thing, but I've changed my mind, I couldn't care for another human being right now). And then she said "Now there is my father.. and i have to care for him and come here to the hospital for his tests, and it's all right like that." But she was so deeply sorry, and you could tell that at the beginning she didn't want to care of her dad, and i'm sure must have preferred see her father dead, rather her mum..
Luckily mum couldn't hear properly.. and so she didn't listen to her destiny
I love you mum, always

]]>The happy familyhttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/30/the_happy_family~428011/2005-12-30T21:48:01+01:00 <p><strong>yesterday i went to my parents' in law for dinner.. they were celebrating with home made pizza the time with her daughter, who is back in italy for her holidays..lucky them.. how much do i hate just plain, disgustingly happy families?<br> I used to have one too.. now it is no more<br> They invited me for dinner tonite as well..<br> i gently said no, preferred to have a normal dinner with my dad - who i don't like at all, but at least he doesn't speak a lot, so I could stay alone with my sorrow</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/30/the_happy_family~428011/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>yesterday i went to my parents' in law for dinner.. they were celebrating with home made pizza the time with her daughter, who is back in italy for her holidays..lucky them.. how much do i hate just plain, disgustingly happy families?
I used to have one too.. now it is no more
They invited me for dinner tonite as well..
i gently said no, preferred to have a normal dinner with my dad - who i don't like at all, but at least he doesn't speak a lot, so I could stay alone with my sorrow

]]>dreamlesshttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/27/dreamless~419952/2005-12-27T18:05:02+01:00 <p><strong>I'm reading the Alchemist, by Paulo Coehlo. It does say: "when someone really wants something, the whole universe helps him/her to achieve it"<br> so I'm asking myself what i really want to achieve? Have I got a dream? It's horrible, at this stage i don't have any dreams at all<br> is that possible?<br> have i got everything that i want? no<br> maybe i've got too many things to desire, which means i probably don't have a very strong desire..<br> have i become a non ambitious person?<br> i'm trying to listen to my heart to see what it wants, but i can't hear anything</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/27/dreamless~419952/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I'm reading the Alchemist, by Paulo Coehlo. It does say: "when someone really wants something, the whole universe helps him/her to achieve it"
so I'm asking myself what i really want to achieve? Have I got a dream? It's horrible, at this stage i don't have any dreams at all
is that possible?
have i got everything that i want? no
maybe i've got too many things to desire, which means i probably don't have a very strong desire..
have i become a non ambitious person?
i'm trying to listen to my heart to see what it wants, but i can't hear anything

]]>Xmas party IIhttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/27/xmas_party_ii~419932/2005-12-27T18:01:14+01:00 <p>it was extremely boring.. like a very long wedding, with old fashioned dances and everyone excited for such stupid things..was it really so bad or it was my mood? if i only could take some salsa lessons </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/27/xmas_party_ii~419932/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>it was extremely boring.. like a very long wedding, with old fashioned dances and everyone excited for such stupid things..was it really so bad or it was my mood? if i only could take some salsa lessons

]]>Xmas Partyhttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/22/xmas_party~408459/2005-12-22T19:00:26+01:00 <p>I'm going to my very first company Xmas party in Italy.. apparently Xmas parties here are quite boring and everyone feels like obliged in a way to go, while they really would like to be elsewhere..<br> Well, I used to love xmas parties in the Uk, so i might find this one good as well..<br> well, my mood is different this yesr, isn'it? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/22/xmas_party~408459/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I'm going to my very first company Xmas party in Italy.. apparently Xmas parties here are quite boring and everyone feels like obliged in a way to go, while they really would like to be elsewhere..
Well, I used to love xmas parties in the Uk, so i might find this one good as well..
well, my mood is different this yesr, isn'it?

]]>Tearshttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/19/tears~400372/2005-12-19T22:02:52+01:00 <p>mmm...what did I write last time? that I was cold and without emotions?<br> well, the way in which my feelings just literally melt down lately was just unbelievable.. I've been crying a lot, every single thing can "switch on" my tears<br> 1st time I was in the office, in front of one of my new colleagues whose name I barely knew and she asked me where i lived and with who.. well, with my dad and my boyfriend I said..and she was like: what about your mum? I felt the tears coming so suddenly into my eyes and it was so embarassing<br> she said it was destiny I talked to her, 'cause she's still experiencing the sorrow for the loss of her own mum 10 years later<br> well, i tell you what, it was embarassing, but i felt so good afterwards, I mean it was like opening a tap and give voice to all the feelings trapped inside me. Since that day I'm always crying. And I'm happy about it.<strong>Bitter sweet Xmas.</strong><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/b/breakspearavenue/img/tears.jpg" border="0" alt=""> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/19/tears~400372/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>mmm...what did I write last time? that I was cold and without emotions?
well, the way in which my feelings just literally melt down lately was just unbelievable.. I've been crying a lot, every single thing can "switch on" my tears
1st time I was in the office, in front of one of my new colleagues whose name I barely knew and she asked me where i lived and with who.. well, with my dad and my boyfriend I said..and she was like: what about your mum? I felt the tears coming so suddenly into my eyes and it was so embarassing
she said it was destiny I talked to her, 'cause she's still experiencing the sorrow for the loss of her own mum 10 years later
well, i tell you what, it was embarassing, but i felt so good afterwards, I mean it was like opening a tap and give voice to all the feelings trapped inside me. Since that day I'm always crying. And I'm happy about it.Bitter sweet Xmas.

]]>standing coldhttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/12/standing_and_cold~381347/2005-12-12T19:56:39+01:00 <p><strong>So.. I'm back. On the blog I mean.<br> It's been a long time since I last wrote.<br> The thing is, many things have happened lately, and yet it feels like life is holding on..it's standing still. Even if things, people, emotions move around me, I feel standing.. and cold.</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/12/12/standing_and_cold~381347/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>So.. I'm back. On the blog I mean.
It's been a long time since I last wrote.
The thing is, many things have happened lately, and yet it feels like life is holding on..it's standing still. Even if things, people, emotions move around me, I feel standing.. and cold.

]]>an embrace of Life and Deathhttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/10/15/an_embrace_of_life_and_death~236425/2005-10-15T16:06:32+02:00 <p><strong>an embrace of Life and Death, the last goodbye, goodbye Mum, I love you, my tears on my face, her sight on me, I'm sure she understood my love, she understood everything before falling asleep, in a bitter sweet sleep that lead her god knows where..maybe nowhere, or maybe in another life, far away from us, she's got so much to give to someone else, so maybe she was called to bring joy and serenity somewhere else<br> Even if you don't exist anymore the way you used to exist, and you don't even remeber this past life of yours, i will never forget you Mum and you will always live for me in my thoughts..</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/10/15/an_embrace_of_life_and_death~236425/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>an embrace of Life and Death, the last goodbye, goodbye Mum, I love you, my tears on my face, her sight on me, I'm sure she understood my love, she understood everything before falling asleep, in a bitter sweet sleep that lead her god knows where..maybe nowhere, or maybe in another life, far away from us, she's got so much to give to someone else, so maybe she was called to bring joy and serenity somewhere else
Even if you don't exist anymore the way you used to exist, and you don't even remeber this past life of yours, i will never forget you Mum and you will always live for me in my thoughts..

]]>back to St. Albans..http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/10/15/back_to_st_albans~236373/2005-10-15T15:32:20+02:00 <p>ok, I made up my mind for now.. what i really need is to be on my own, with some good old friends and track back the thread of my life..<br> if i find the courage to do this- and i sincerely hope I will - i mught book myself on a ryanair flight to luton and go back to my previous life.. at least for a few days..I'd love doing this.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/10/15/back_to_st_albans~236373/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>ok, I made up my mind for now.. what i really need is to be on my own, with some good old friends and track back the thread of my life..
if i find the courage to do this- and i sincerely hope I will - i mught book myself on a ryanair flight to luton and go back to my previous life.. at least for a few days..I'd love doing this..

]]>Bereavementhttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/10/13/bereavement~232492/2005-10-13T17:12:23+02:00 <p>so.. I'm on my own now.. Mum is gone.. she flew away with the angels.. if they exist..<br> she suffered 11 months because of this evil desease.. cancer<br> I love you mum, I will never forget you, you'll be always the one </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/10/13/bereavement~232492/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>so.. I'm on my own now.. Mum is gone.. she flew away with the angels.. if they exist..
she suffered 11 months because of this evil desease.. cancer
I love you mum, I will never forget you, you'll be always the one

]]>weird sundayhttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/09/11/weird_sunday~174750/2005-09-11T16:09:24+02:00 <p>It's a weird day.. It could seem one of those endless sundays back in Italy, when all shops are closed and everybody is doind their "siesta", a lazy sunday with nothing to do.. But it's not like that. Unfortunately is not like that. there is a lot to do at home. Nappies to change. Injections to do.endovenous treatments.and yet i don't know where this limbo will guide me. to a place of more despair?to long term depression?to a horrible sense of relief?<a href="http://data1.blog.de/blog/b/breakspearavenue/img/limbo.jpg" title="Dante"><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/b/breakspearavenue/img/limbo_small.jpg" border="0" alt="Dante"></a> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/09/11/weird_sunday~174750/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>It's a weird day.. It could seem one of those endless sundays back in Italy, when all shops are closed and everybody is doind their "siesta", a lazy sunday with nothing to do.. But it's not like that. Unfortunately is not like that. there is a lot to do at home. Nappies to change. Injections to do.endovenous treatments.and yet i don't know where this limbo will guide me. to a place of more despair?to long term depression?to a horrible sense of relief?

Dante

]]>I'm NOT happy tonitehttp://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/08/30/i_m_not_happy_tonite~152753/2005-08-30T23:13:24+02:00 <p>actually I'm really pissed off. With my boyfriend. with my dad.with my brother in law. even with my boss. you know what? I'm pissed off with all the men that i know and get to talk on a daily basis. I just don't understand how they can be so arrogant and pretend they know everything, how to deal with a particular situation and how to survive in difficult times. I just hate them. They say I'm making a mistake. ok, what do you know about life, and death and living with someone who is so seriously ill? You don't know anything until you don't experience it yourself. So pls STOP judjing me.ok. stop. I'm too angry tonite. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/08/30/i_m_not_happy_tonite~152753/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>actually I'm really pissed off. With my boyfriend. with my dad.with my brother in law. even with my boss. you know what? I'm pissed off with all the men that i know and get to talk on a daily basis. I just don't understand how they can be so arrogant and pretend they know everything, how to deal with a particular situation and how to survive in difficult times. I just hate them. They say I'm making a mistake. ok, what do you know about life, and death and living with someone who is so seriously ill? You don't know anything until you don't experience it yourself. So pls STOP judjing me.ok. stop. I'm too angry tonite.

]]>I'm happy tonight..http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/08/16/i_m_happy_tonight/2005-08-16T00:49:55+02:00 <p><img src="http://data1.blog.de/blog/b/breakspearavenue/img/martini-girls-100.jpg" border="0" alt=""><strong>because my best friend just called me from abroad, because I'm still on hols, because my mum is fine, because there are a lot of good books i'd like to read..</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/08/16/i_m_happy_tonight/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>

because my best friend just called me from abroad, because I'm still on hols, because my mum is fine, because there are a lot of good books i'd like to read..

]]>Why should I be so jealous?http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/08/15/why_should_i_be_so_jealous/2005-08-15T23:23:48+02:00 <p>ok, so I had to move back to Italy.. I had to leave a great job, leave a marvellous flat, leave all my best friends and leave St.Albans, where I most like living (and shopping..).<br> One of my best friend met thru me my boyfriend's sister and.. it end up they're moving together next month! I can't believe it, for some reason this is really driving me crazy, I don't know why.. maybe it is because i have to realize life in St.Albans is going on also without me.. when my heart is still there..</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/08/15/why_should_i_be_so_jealous/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>ok, so I had to move back to Italy.. I had to leave a great job, leave a marvellous flat, leave all my best friends and leave St.Albans, where I most like living (and shopping..).
One of my best friend met thru me my boyfriend's sister and.. it end up they're moving together next month! I can't believe it, for some reason this is really driving me crazy, I don't know why.. maybe it is because i have to realize life in St.Albans is going on also without me.. when my heart is still there..

]]>Just got back home..http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/08/14/just_got_back_home/2005-08-14T01:59:59+02:00 <p>Right.. just went out tonight.. and got back home now.. well, what can i say.. It was good fun, had few drinks, chatted a lot with an old friend (oh, my God she's a Dr. now, I can believe it, it seems like yesterday we were in high school) and with a friend of her afterwards. ok.<br> it was good.just like 1998. last summer I spent in Italy. From then, I've always been in the UK..it's so nice going out there, it's just something different, a different kind of experience..<br> I miss it, God knows how much i miss living there..<br> I'm back home now.. in Italy. i would have never dreamed of coming back here to be honest.. well, I've always said, ok, one day I'll be back.. but when this day was due i had no idea. And i didn't want to. And then life, like a storm throws you back from where you came, and like a wave erased all that I had done in these years, all my experiences and career.<br> From Market Manager of an important airline.. to secretary in a small publishing house. I'm so depressed about it. But, this is Italy, with its joys and sorrows and I have to accept it..<br> anyway I had a good evening tonite, maybe i can find something good here as well, and stopping thinking of breakspear avenue..<br> Goodnight all, pls welcome me in the blogging world, i'm new here.. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/08/14/just_got_back_home/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>Right.. just went out tonight.. and got back home now.. well, what can i say.. It was good fun, had few drinks, chatted a lot with an old friend (oh, my God she's a Dr. now, I can believe it, it seems like yesterday we were in high school) and with a friend of her afterwards. ok.
it was good.just like 1998. last summer I spent in Italy. From then, I've always been in the UK..it's so nice going out there, it's just something different, a different kind of experience..
I miss it, God knows how much i miss living there..
I'm back home now.. in Italy. i would have never dreamed of coming back here to be honest.. well, I've always said, ok, one day I'll be back.. but when this day was due i had no idea. And i didn't want to. And then life, like a storm throws you back from where you came, and like a wave erased all that I had done in these years, all my experiences and career.
From Market Manager of an important airline.. to secretary in a small publishing house. I'm so depressed about it. But, this is Italy, with its joys and sorrows and I have to accept it..
anyway I had a good evening tonite, maybe i can find something good here as well, and stopping thinking of breakspear avenue..
Goodnight all, pls welcome me in the blogging world, i'm new here..

]]>How difficult it is to find a good blog hosting??http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/08/14/how_difficult_it_is_to_find_a_good_blog_/2005-08-14T01:31:19+02:00 <p><strong>I've been looking for at least two days all around the net for a good blog hosting website, but all of them have something which I don't really like.. arghh!!!<br> I'll try with this one, now.. wish me good luck!</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://breakspearavenue.blog.co.uk/2005/08/14/how_difficult_it_is_to_find_a_good_blog_/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>I've been looking for at least two days all around the net for a good blog hosting website, but all of them have something which I don't really like.. arghh!!!
I'll try with this one, now.. wish me good luck!

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