• Motherless daughters

    I'm reading this book by Hope Edelman.. it is helping in some way.. if helping means helping my tears to melt down..
    yesterday my boyfriend's mum asked me :"how is the book you're reading? any interesting?"
    now:
    1): how do you know what i'm fucking reading?
    2):why are you asking me this, when you're 53 and you're still have a mother??

    I found her question so RUDE..or am I overreacting?

  • I hate a colleague of mine

    By the way.. what do you do whe you truly can't stand a colleague anymore?
    She is just the typical person who wants to be a victim and the supervisors as usual don't recognize it and think: oh, poor one, she's always the one doing extra hours! But don't you understand she stays longer because she is just so SLOW!!?
    And she is always so rude sometimes!

  • 10 months

    It has been 10 months today..
    10 months that you left me..
    God knows where you are now..
    I hope, if you still exist in some form, that you are happy where you are now and no longer suffering
    I would like to talk to you, i need you advice, your comments, i used to love talking to you about life, love, cooking and money..
    I miss you always..

  • weird feeling

    weird feeling today
    as a rebirth
    as a will to live life to its fullest
    as a will to be in love again
    as a will to be in the sun with a new lover
    just a will
    nothing more
    just a will

  • 2005 review

    I need to start from Nov 2004.

    November 04:

    -The most horrible month of my life. 2/11/04 I took a flight with my staff travel and went back home, thinking I was going to come back after few days. I brought with me only one trouser and a couple of jumpers.
    I didn't know that month would have changed my life forever. The result of my mum tests was: non small lung cancer of V stadium, mum had 7-8 month to live.
    I didn't go back to the UK.

    December 04:

    The most heart-breaking and sweet Xmas season of my life. Our comedy begins. My sister and me make all that is possible to avoid my mum knowing the truth.
    We give her strenght and smiles, always. Trying to make what rest of her life just perfect.

    January 05 :

    - Mum's chemo goes on. Spend the month with her and my sister going to day-hospital for it.
    -I make my very first injection ever to mum.
    -Get lots of money of voluntary redundancy from my previous employer. Decide to sell my english car and buy an european one (left hand drive).
    -I go back to the UK first time after the 2nd Novembe 2004, day when I left, not knowing it was due to be permanently

    February 05:

    -Start my very first job in Italy. Oh, my God how different it is from the UK, i don't like it at all
    -Buy an Italian car

    March 05:

    -Mum starts suffering from high blood pression. I call medical emergency several times
    -one of the worst weekend ever: both mum and dad in bed (he's got a flu) and my sister and me as full time waitresses-nurses
    - Weekend in Perugia with my boyfriend just before Easter

    April 05:

    - Leave my job as Customer Services as working hours didn't allow me to go for the chemo with my mum. Start working for a local paper, where flexitimes was possible.
    -Start seeing a councellor, Monica, she really helped me.
    -Go back to the UK for a couple of days to visit my boyfriend

    May 05:
    -Mum's last chemo
    -My french friend come and see me for the weekend. While we were visiting Rome , my mum had her first epilepsy attack. From that day the doctors told us never to leave her at home on her own.

    June 05:

    -My boyfriend move back here in italy.
    -Stop seeing Monica
    -Mum starts Mannitol endovenous injections at home

    July 05:

    - We go in Nettuno to the summer flat we rented for my mum, so she didn't have to climb up the stairs for a month.
    - She starts radiotherapy.
    - Renal failure and she spent almost the whole month in rome at the hospital. My sister, my auntie and me stay with her the night in turn
    -end of the month, she cames back home but can't walk. She's permanetly in bed. We start cleaning and washing her.

    August 05:

    -It's a surprise. She can't move but her brain does work very well. She talks a lot and very well (before she was forgetting words). Apparenlty radiotherapy did work.
    -I start working only part time in the afternoon

    September 05:

    -Mum doesn't understand anymore and doesn't talk. She didn't realised it was her birthday either

    October 05:

    -Goodbye mum. I loved you and I always will

    November 05:

    -02/11/05 : one year after my return in italy, i go for an interview with the most important company based here. The one my mum always dreamed i was employed by. My phone rang while I was at the cemetery. is this a sign?

    - My sister moved to her boyfriend because she's too scared to be here on her own. I stay but I've asked my boyfriend to sleep with me.
    So now it is, My dad (I hate him), my boyfriend and me.

    December 05:

    -Start working for that company. Job seems to be ok. Not as important as the one I had in the UK, but ok, considering the job situation in this almost third world country.

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